It's going to be the Grrreatest Great Depression Ever!!!!!

Why so sad Kiddies? Impending Grrrreat Depression got you blue? Buck up (ugh, hopefully) it’s not the end of the free world. It’s the end of the free world as we know it. But I for one being a born again democrat am choosing to see this glass of rationed milk half empty! Oops, I mean half full. Wait a minute, is it half full or half empty? Whatever. Which ever one is supposed to be the good one, I’m that one. So stop the w(h)ine and let’s get you into better spirits. (Man my jokes are grrreat)

Speaking of jokes…. In dire times people are willing to laugh at almost anything. This means the following comedians are going to get a break once the depression really kicks in: Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia, George Lopez, Any female comedian who opens with a joke about her uterus, and Jeff Garland (p.s. Jeff- Yeah, I know in terms of comedy what a ‘callback’ is, what I meant was sometimes a callback means you’ve run out of new jokes. So there! )

The effects of the Greater Depression will first be seen in the Orange county area. With money for frivolous luxury no longer in abundance, women will start to look like the witches in Stardust:

Yellow nails where there were once white-tipped smoothed acrylics.

Mousy brown hair with white streaks will rule where once highlights of honey, caramel, platinum, honey-caramel, and platinum honey strands were queens.

With nowhere to tan and no money to tan with white girls in Orange County will again look like (gasp) white girls- not oompa loompas.

Eyebrows will now be done by the eyebrow owner. This will result in scary, but finally, completely unique designs above the eyes.

A Russian analyst named Igor has predicted that the U.S. will break into six regions. That’s good news! We’re the new Europe! And now when people ask you go right ahead and say “I’m well traveled. I’ve been all over the No longer United States of the Occupied Americas.”

And entertainment is going to be awesome! Actors, artists and filmmakers rejoice! The depression is going to be great for us!

During hard times people like to see fun and entertaining films. This means ta-dah: The return of the water musicals! Remember those great water musicals with synchronized swimmers and splashy actress divers? So fun. (Hey, Micheal Phelps, you want to be an actor don’t you? Because two weeks of you in a skintight swimsuit is not enough.)

The model turned actor dude in your acting class will finally be able cry. I mean, sure he’ll be crying over the loss of his looks (he’s from Orange County) but he’ll finally be able to cry and as any acting teacher will tell you (say it with me) “that’s a good place to start from”.

Actresses!! We’ll finally get a diet we can stick too: Famine!

And depression brings on the drinking so you know what that means! Our jobs are secure!! Tips! Tips! Tips!

And chin up- There will still be acting work. Films were already being written about the war before boots hit the dirt in Iraq, so before the first body flies out of the thirty fifth floor office of Goldman Sachs you can bet that a struggling writer is penning your big break: Depp Repression- A film about a man who steps off his thirty fifth floor office balcony and into the world of Johnny Depp’s childhood memories only to wake up thirty five hours later on a film set. “Johnny, we’re ready for you sir………